YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
