please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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