ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
