shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
