hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I just gift wrapped bread.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
