4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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