it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
