i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Holy sore nipples Batman
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
