ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize