Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
