Soap is not a condiment
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
