The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
