i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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