I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
