I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
