Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
