yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
