ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
