Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize