made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
