Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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