I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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