Yo dont text me then not text me
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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