I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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