She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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