pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Im part way to drunk.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize