I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
