So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
