I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
