Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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