I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
