Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize