just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
