We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Four minutes until I can fart!
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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