I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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