Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
