I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
