You're my little dorito
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
