If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize