Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
