i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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