Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Randomize
