Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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