he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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