haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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