i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
