break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I have already put on my inside pants.
Randomize
