OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Drunk is a universal language darling
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
