I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
We just shotgunned beers for America
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
