i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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