Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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