That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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