he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
