why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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