Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
