seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
