i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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