He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
