sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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