Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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