Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
