The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
