This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Michael Bay diarrhea
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Randomize
