Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
did i walk over a car last night?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
