There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
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