i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
