I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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