she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
