It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
