just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
