woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
