My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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