Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Randomize
