she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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