Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
