i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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